Telling my story is hard, but in 4 months, I lost my eyesight!

 

 In a world where sight is often taken for granted, my journey through blindness is harrowing—an odyssey of pain, revelation, forgiveness, despair, and ultimately, resilience.

 

It began with blurry vision that gradually descended into a nightmare of medical mishaps and shattered dreams.

I vividly recalled the morning I woke up to find my vision clouded, a haze descending upon my world without warning.

Seeking answers from experts and professionals, I embarked on a journey fraught with dashed hopes and unfathomable agony.I went in with blurry vision, and four months later, I came out blind!

 

 woke up one morning with blurry vision. There wasn’t any pain or discomfort. I had basic vision insurance at the time and decided to go to a local optometrist. She told me I should see a Retina Specialist and that I should buy a pair of eyeglasses that would probably help me see clearer. Furthermore, my insurance covered some of the cost.The eyeglasses did not work. Another doctor wanted to start injections in my eyes right away, then surgery. That didn’t appeal to me, and at this time, I was told that the veins on the back of my eyes were bleeding and swollen, which could lead to long-term vision loss.

Working as an IT analyst, my eyes were essential to my job, and it was taking me longer to perform simple tasks, because of the blurriness of my eyes. I had to start finding workarounds in order to function. I was also getting double visions while driving, so I chose to stop driving as well.

 

 This was becoming bothersome.In the city, I found a hospital that was open 24 hours and caters only to patients with eye issues. My husband and I (we had gotten married only four months prior) drove to the city. When we got there, we were told if we waited until about 2:00 am in the morning, someone would see me. We decided to stay since we drove so far, about 2-3 hours.That was my first time doing laser treatment on my eyes. On one of my treatments, instead of a Doctor, a Resident performed the treatment (there was no supervision). The resident didn’t know what he was doing and hit my eye over 3,000 times.My eyes went black, and the pain was so intense that he had to stop several times while I threw up.

 

He kept apologizing, telling me that he was sorry. I was told that I had a retinal tear and I needed surgery to preserve my vision.I didn’t feel like I had many options. I was scared of losing my eyesight as well as my job. Furthermore, I didn’t have full health insurance, only basic eye and dental. I was paying out of pocket.

 

During the surgery, I woke up. I could hear the doctors talking above me, and I heard a drilling sound. Upon noticing me, they put me back to sleep and finished the surgery.The surgery was supposed to preserve my vision, but things got worse. When I initially went in, they told me my left eye was the one with the primary issues. Instead, the Resident (Doctor in Training) burned my right eye. The optic nerves were damaged during surgery.To fix the damages caused, I did a total of 12 surgeries on my eyes, 7 on one, 5 on the other, in addition to multiple eye injections. I started this journey in August, did my first laser around October/November, had my first Retina surgery in December, and was supposed to be back at work. The surgery was so bad that I didn’t get to go back to work.

 

This wasvand is still painful both emotionally and physically. I struggle to understand the madness. After a particular treatment and vomiting from all the pain, my eyes were hurting so badly. I had a jacket thrown over my head to block out the lights, and I cried and cried, hoping the tears could perhaps soothe the pain in my eyes, any relief.

 

Nothing helped. I curled up on the car seat and cried myself to sleep.

During Covid-19 and after some of my surgeries, I was completely blind for a year. I lay in the bed not able to see or do. I was miserable, despondent, depressed, hopeless, and yes, suicidal (oh did I fail to mention that I lost my job, car, house, and health?) and that is another story!!!I felt like I had no reason to live, furthermore; I was tired of the constant pain, I was scared, doing multiple surgeries with no results, and the most frustrating part was they told me it’s all because of diabetes.I informed them that diabetes did not pick up a laser and burn my eyes, diabetes did not damage my optic nerves, bullcrap someone did!!!

 

They did not take responsibility because of course, they did not want to be sued. I didn’t. No one wants to go up against the Giant!!!I have always been independent, a go-getter, very ambitious, love to dance and travel, cook, etc. Now it was all gone. I couldn’t cook because I could not see the lighting on the stove/microwave. I could not see to put the toothpaste on my toothbrush. The worst part was not being able to see my loved ones’ faces or see the food on my plate. I can’t  support myself anymore.

When my husband has a haircut, I couldn’t see it, so he would take my hand to feel the haircut. One time I tried to make a cup of tea and I poured the hot water over my hand. I never told.I felt like I am being punished, incompetent but for what, I did not know? During the nights, it was impossible to sleep, I felt like I was being tortured. I was unable to watch TV or see even my phone screen. I would listen to videos on Facebook to pass the time away.

 

 lost all of my muscles from laying in that bed. Usually, I could leg lift about 150 lbs to barely lifting 5 lbs. My legs would shake so badly, I could not even walk around the block.

 

One year later, I found another doctor who decided to help me.I remembered he did local anesthesia instead of general like they did before, and he sat there and talked to me as he peeled scar tissues piece by piece from my eyes.On occasions while I was in the grocery store, I couldn’t see anything in the store, not even the lights. I couldn’t see the labels, and the lights were blurry and it hurt my eyes. I had to hold onto the cart to move around, stopping occasionally to catch my breath.

 

Other times I would just stay in the car and let my husband do the shopping.

 

The relentless assault on my senses, the futile surgeries, the haunting sound of drills, and whispered conversations—all served as a cruel reminder of the fragility of life, loosing my independence and the capriciousness of fate. As the world grappled with the throes of a pandemic, I found myself imprisoned in a prison of darkness, cut off from the sights and sounds that once brought me joy.

 

Days blurred into nights, each moment a cruel reminder of all that I had lost—my independence, my career, my sense of self-worth. Yet, even in the depths of despair, a flicker of hope remained—a beacon of light guiding me through the darkest of nights.

 

Prayer and faith has been instrumental in helping me to cope,  I felt that strongly, that prayer was and  has kept me.

 

I still struggles each day I worry  withabout my prospects, the future what will be, how will I support myself.  I worried about mobility.

 

I used writing as a therapy, I can express my self  without judgement.

Since Ive written two books  Pixie The Vanishing Hero and Coloring Around The World with two more books to be published.

 

I have forgiven these doctors, I’ve made peace with my situation only because I cannot change it, but most of all I am learning to forgive myself